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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Tales From the 50 Cent Bin! - WildC.A.T.s #1

Today's Tales from the 50 Cent Bin is brought to you by the money-grubbing guys who made this...and yes, I did watch "THIS EPICNESS!!!" on CBS way back when...

Welcome back to "Tales From the 50 Cent Bin!" This time is a little different though in that I just bought this issue on FCBD. I bought it with a bunch of other issues (mostly Superman ones) and thought that this issue would fit well here. For those who don't know, the WildC.A.T.s (I'm just gonna call them the CATs from now on) was a super hero team created in the 90's at Image Comics. You know, the guys responsible for things like this, this, and THIS? Yep, those guys. Anyway, apparently this team was "sooooo popular" that they actually had a Saturday morning cartoon on CBS for a while. I watched it. It....was...."meh" I guess .I hate to admit this, but...I actually own four episodes of this show on VHS.  I know I compared them to the X-Men which is weird because Jim Lee, artist/writer of this issue, drew the X-Men for a time. So with that intro out of the way, let's see if this book is really "That Good".

WildC.A.T.s #1
Writers: Jim Lee and Brandon Choi
Artists: Jim Lee
We start out the issue in 1980 in Antarctica where some scientists are getting some strange readings. As they wonder what the heck is going on in this cold terrain, an orb pops up. Suddenly, a woman dressed in a really tight and bright swimsuit appears and tries to grab the orb. She ends up disappearing and leaving the scientists stumped.

We then abruptly move to August 9th, 1992. In Virginia, an explosion has occurred and International Operations is trying to get to the bottom of it all. While they yak on about the explosion and Covert Action Teams (hint hint) the woman teleports into the facility and then disappears again. We then “do the Time Warp again” and end up in New York City. It’s August 8th, 1990, and we get introduced to Jacob Marlowe. He’s a short guy living on the streets. When get gets roughed up by some dudes, he shoots some energy out of his hand. Naturally, this ticks off the guys and they proceed to kill him when they are stopped by the woman from before. She introduces herself to Marlowe as the Void and tells him that he was once the Lord Emp…hmm…replace ‘E’ with ‘I’ and you’ll get what was thinking at first. She also tells him that he was the champion of mankind she needs to prepare him for the coming war against a group called the Cabal.
 "The Lord Emp"? That's not a short joke is it? 

We…..then move to the present day, August 8th, 1992, where Marlowe is drunk in an alley. This time though he gets up and heads to his tall, tall building. He‘s a millionaire now, head of Halo Incorporated…and somewhat of a d-bag. His slaves….I mean assistants clean him up. He talks to Void who informs him of a dream she has been having. She sees a lot of stuff happening including his death. We the get introduced to some of the Wildcats. We meet Spartan aka Cyclops while he’s getting their ship, the Mirv, ready. We also get introduced to Maul aka Colossus/Giant Man and Warblade aka...Just Guess. Marlowe isn’t impressed by their readiness. He even considers getting a Youngblood…I don’t know about that. Since Liefeld’s Disease is rampant with them, it might be good to keep them away from the team. Marlowe then leaves for an appointment.

We then switch bases again and see the Cabal for a minute. The leader, Helspont, talks about how they will unite their Damonite brethren and take over the world. After his assistant kills a potential spy, they set out to find the Third Gifted One before the Gnome (what’s up with the short jokes?) sells he or she off to the highest bidder. We then see Marlowe at his meeting with the Gnome who’s some guy hooked up to machinery. The Gnome tells Marlowe and Void about the One.

We then shift bases to Georgetown. A guy (Cole) goes into a strip club…oh boy. He is apparently here to find the One. Her name is Priscilla Kitean aka Voodoo and yes, she’s not to bad looking. Things turn for the worst when a female assassin and two guys come in looking for the girl. As they get close to her, Voodoo freaks out because while the guys look normal, they’re actually Damonites and they look ugly. As the three start killing people, Cole throws his mask on and something kind of funny happens…
Two things:
He’s not Shaft, but he is “a bad motha—shut your mouth.”


Cole, or Grifter now, tries to save the girl and takes out the two guys easily with his guns. Meanwhile, reports are coming in to Halo and the Wildcats start to head out. Grifter takes on the assassin who is a match for him even when he shoots her in the chest. Luckily the CATs show up via Void Tube and kick some major butt.
"We're heroes, not zeroes!"
That's all I remember from that theme song and no, I  can't bear to hear it again or it will get stuck in my head for a few days. 
Marlowe gets his short butt taken hostage for only a second when Zealot aka Hot Coda Assassin saves him. Before they get out of the club, the female assassin sets off a bomb and blows the club up. By the way, this was the explosion that happened at the beginning. We end the issue with Helspont declaring that they have won and that Project Reunification will continue with the help of another agent who is impersonating VP Dan Quayle.
 ....................................

And that’s the end of part 1. What do I think? It’s okay, just okay. The artwork is pretty good. I mean, it’s Jim Lee, ya know? The writing is okay though. It’s not bad or cringe worthy. The only issues I have is with the issue is the pacing. The beginning pages were a little wonky. Were in the past, then the future, then the present and finally we’re on a horse. We get dropped right into the middle of this world where not much makes sense. We only see the team for a short time. There’s a war going on, there’s a guy with a flaming head, and  Grifter reminds me of Gambit. I actually had to go online to find out some of the people’s names ‘cause they don’t get mentioned here. For a first issue, it does interest me a little bit. Will I look for Part 2? I don’t know yet. I do know that this issue is just okay in my standards.

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