Today, I got three movies from different series. I thought I might as well watch the series I’ve looked at in previous years. First up, we swim for a bit in Jaws 3-D from 1983. Next up is Howling 3: The Marsupials from 1987 which is one I’ve never seen. Finally, we get hellish with Hellraiser 3: Hell On Earth from 1992. My last pick was going to be Blade: Trinity, but after watching it and Blade 2 recently, I think the Daywalker needs his own post. I also thought Halloween 3: Season of the Witch would make it here, but I’m just not ready for it yet.
Jaws 3-D
Jaws 3-D was released in 1983 and takes place several years after Jaws 2. This time, we follow Brody’s sons, Mike (Dennis Quaid) and Sean (John Putch) this time. Mike works at a SeaWorld theme park in Orlando, FL along with his girlfriend, Kelly (Bess Armstrong). Sean also visits from all the way in Colorado and gets close with a water skier (Lea Thompson). While Mike and Kelly work for Calvin Bouchard (Louis Gossett Jr.) to get the park prepared for visitors, a couple of familiar guests show up and cause havoc: a mother shark and baby shark. Grandma Shark and Daddy Shark weren’t available for this movie, and we all know what happened to Grandpa Shark… ha ha ha.
 |
| The power of 3-D! (coughs) |
It’s known for being a horrid sequel, so you can guess what I think about it. This was the first time I saw this movie, and I can see why I’ve never sought out to watch it. I’ve even seen Jaws: The Revenge though I was younger at the time. The story is the typical shark story with Mike and Kelly in Brody’s role, Lou Gossett Jr, in the mayor’s role, and Simon MacKorkindale (“Manimal!") in Quint’s role. It also doesn’t help that it moves at a snail’s pace. It’s just so uninteresting. This whole movie felt like an advertisement to SeaWorld. That being said, having it get attacked by a giant shark and almost break down doesn’t help.
 |
| This is probably how they looked when they saw the movie on opening night. |
It also banked on 3-D since it was a fad for some horror movies at the time. That added to the slow pace of the movie with these slow, lingering looks at the crap effects in the movie. At least that 3-D helped it make money. Even though the movie is a dud, the cast do their best to make it entertaining with Quaid, Armstrong, Gossett, and Manimal putting in decent performances. I do wonder what Lou Gossett Jr was doing with that New Orleans accent though. The last act with the mother shark attacking the park was also where the movie got a little better. Still, you’ll do better watching the first two movies. Skip this one.
 |
| I guess they too were surprised at the sight of Lea Thompson in a bikini... |
Howling 3: The Marsupials
The Marsupials was released in 1987, and this is a first watch for me. I guess Dad and the video stores thought this movie was too much for the viewing audience because I didn’t know about it for years. In the movie, an anthropologist discovers the existence of marsupial werewolves in Australia. After trying to warn the US President of this possible danger (yeah, that threw me off too), he heads to Sydney to investigate. Meanwhile, a young woman escapes her cultish werewolf tribe and falls in love with a movie agent. Oh yeah, she gets pregnant and has a half human/half-wolf baby that sits in her pouch… what am I even writing? Anyway, throw in werewolf nuns, werewolf ballerinas, a whole lotta love, possible incest, government conspiracies, and a quite a bit of cheese.
 |
| Man, this rendition of "Swan Lake" has definitely gone to the dogs! |
So… I think the best way to describe this movie is “Bat$#*+ Insane.” If you thought seeing Captain America and Dracula team up to fight a hot werewolf witch in Howling 2 was wild, hold on to your butts! Still, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen. The director (who also directed Howling 2!) decided to go in a less serious route, and there are times where it works. They try to spoof Hollywood directors a bit here, and that was funny at times. We also get some decent transformations here, but they are few due to the pretty shoestring budget. The story is confusing but not too bad with most werewolves being more sympathetic this time around.
 |
| They're just letting anyone in the convents these days! |
Still, I can see why it has a 3.5 out of 10 on IMDB. I can see why I’ve never sought this one out because the title kinda says it all. Stuff here gets a little too confusing at times with the two storylines going on. Also, the rules on werewolves seem to be made up as they go along. Outside of the main leads, the acting is pretty poor. The first half is pretty choppy as hell. It’s not until the second half of the movie where things pick up a bit. While I do like some of the effects, some of them could be pretty cheap. Overall, while it’s not a good time, it was a somewhat fun time.
 |
| This just lets you know that this is definitely not Oscar material. They're overrated anyways. |
Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth
Finally, we have Hell on Earth that was released in 1992. I don’t know how or why, but I think I saw a bit of this when I was a kid because that church scene is in my mind somewhere. This takes place a few years after the events of Hellraiser 2: Hellbound. In the movie, we follow Joey Summerskill (Terry Farrell), a reporter who’s investigating a strange death she witnessed in the hospital. She tracks down Terri, the lady who brought the tortured man in, and finds out that he used to work for her ex-boyfriend, J.P. He recently came into possession of the box that Pinhead (Doug Bradley) was trapped in from Hellbound. Pinhead seduces J.P. to free him from his prison so he can unleash… Hell on Earth. It’s up to Joey to stop Pinhead once and for all.
 |
| He always knows how to make an entrance. |
You know, I was wondering where this series fell off, and now I’ve found the culprit! Even though it’s not on the level of the first two movies, it’s actually not too bad for some who’s a fan of horror. The story does have some of the same beats of the first one, but obviously things have changed since we don’t see the many corridors of Hell. If you’ve wanted to see Pinhead really embrace his devilish vibe, you may like this one. Doug Bradley really got to home in on that. I also thought Terry Farrell (Commander Dax from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) was good in her heroic role as Joey. She kinda reminded me of Brooke Shields with her hair like that. While things were too slow in the first half, things ramped up well in the second half of the film. The gore is also ramped up here, and if you like that type of thing, you might be satisfied. Lastly, we got a decent cameo from Ashley Laurence (Kirsty from the first two movies).
 |
| If Joey knew of another to beat the forces of darkness: The Sisko! |
As for the negatives, it did take a while for things to get going. It didn’t help that J.P. was a low-rent Uncle Frank. Not enough skeeviness for me. The story could get a little confusing with how Pinhead worked. The acting in some places was also pretty subpar. I also felt like it lacked the atmosphere of the first two films in some places. It also embraced a little camp which felt off to me. We get some new Cenobites towards the end, and they definitely paled in comparison to the originals. I will say that CD-Head and the new Throat Lady were alright. Overall, Hell On Earth isn’t too bad... I know how that sounds, okay?
 |
| Being stuck between dimensions must suck. |
......................................................
In the end, one somewhat decent movie out of three isn't too bad. I know I'll have to do a pallet cleanser with some good third movies at some point. I also think I might be tapped out on Hellrasier. There's only so much hell one can take. I do recommend Howling 3 and Hellraiser 3 for any horror fans. As for Jaws 3... I can definitely say skip it. Well, I gotta go finish up the post for the Blade movies. Until then, Peace, God Bless, and be careful out there.
No comments:
Post a Comment