Scream, Blacula, Scream
First up, we have an oldie from the 70’s. While
Blaxploitation has its issues, I can say that Prince Mamuwalde wasn’t one of
them. I watched the first movie, Blacula, a few years ago, and was surprised by
how much I liked it. Yeah, it had its flair of cheapness and somewhat offensive
stereotypes, but the Prince himself was the highlight. In this 1973 sequel, a
voodoo priest brings Mamuwalde back from the dead in order to start some
trouble in their sect. Blacula, of course, doesn’t give a crap about all that
and instead tries to woo a voodoo priestess (played by Pam Grier) into using
spells to cure him from his vampirism. Even though he’s done with being a
vampire, he still racks up a body count, so the cops get involved.
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| "All right now, let me get this check for one last time! I shall don those muttonchops once more!" |
While this one isn’t as good as the first movie, it was still a decent time. By the way, I was going to re-watch the first movie, but it’s not on a good streaming app, which is a pity. One of the things that surprised me about this and the first movie was William Marshall’s performance as Prince Mamuwalde. He really brought a gravitas to a role that could be easily played for laughs. The Prince is even a bit sympathetic in that he was forced into being a vampire by Count Dracula. By the way, we can safely say that the Dracula in this series is definitely the worst by a longshot. Jackass looked like he owned a Southern plantation at some point.
We get the legendary Pam Grier as the priestess, Lisa, and
she’s good here. Willis, played by Richard Lawson, is okay here, but does
provide a couple of laughs. The plot itself is pretty undercooked though. Things
tend to get repeated her like in the first movie. The plot involving the cops
is pretty much lifted from the first movie. Lucas even looks like the previous
cop from the first movie. The makeup isn’t all that great either. Blacula
always looked kinda weird with all the extra hair in his vampire form. The
ending is also pretty weak. It’s like the script writers went out to lunch and
didn’t come back. Overall, it’s a below average Blaxploitation movie. Check out
the first one if you’re able to.
Mr. Harrigan’s Phone
Next up is a recent Netflix watch. Liz’s mom let us know
about this one. Mr. Harrigan’s Phone is based on a short story from Stephen
King, and I can let you know that it definitely shows. In the movie, a young
man named Craig is hired by an old billionaire to read books for him. The two
develop a decent but kinda distant friendship. Craig even buys Mr. Harrigan an IPhone
(it mainly takes place in the mid 2000’s). When the man passes away, Craig
leave his IPhone in the coffin and starts to get weird messages and calls from
the phone later. It even gets to the point where strange deaths start to happen
to people who Craig has a grievance with.
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| Kid, you don't know what you're doing to that man! Go with an Android! |
Mr. Harrigan’s Phone was an okay watch. One thing that was a plus was that it was a horror (more suspenseful) that I could watch with Liz and Andy. I did think that the acting from everyone was fine. _______ does a decent job as Craig, but his narration could be a bit dull at times. Donald Sutherland was pretty good as Mr. Harrigan. You really got a sense that these two cared for one another, and it wasn’t a weird relationship either (outside of the Ghost stuff). We know how weird King can get. It even has an okay commentary on how we use phones these days. Also, the scenes where Craig tries to figure out what’s up with his phone are good.
I will say that this movie could really drag a bit. When I
found out that it was based on a short story, things started to make more
sense. I felt like the movie didn’t need to be longer than an hour at best.
Also, it’s not that horrific. Outside of a couple of scenes, the movie didn’t
earn its “Horror” badge. It tries so hard to be a coming-of-age story that it
kinda fails at both. I also thought that the ending was pretty dull. Overall,
it’s pretty dull, but the story is okay.
Hellraiser (1987)
Next up is one that is definitely not for the faint at
heart. By the way, this is the 1987 original movie, not the 2022 Hulu one that
I’ve heard isn’t too bad. Hellraiser starts with Frank Cotton, a pretty
disturbed man, finding a puzzle box that is told to unleash hidden desires.
Instead, a portal is opened to a hellish dimension inhabited by twisted
creatures called Cenobites. Frank is tortured and killed. A couple of years
later, his brother Larry moves into the family house where Frank stayed.
Through a spill of blood, Frank is brought back from the dead in a gruesome
form. He forces Julia (Larry’s wife who he had an affair with) to help him kill
people in order to fully bring his body back. Kirsty, Larry’s daughter and
Julia’s stepmom, ends up finding about this and the Cenobites.
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| I now can see why I stuck around with Kirsty for two movies. She was cute! |
I remember seeing this on FX back in the day, and with the new movie being released, it was time to rewatch this weirdness. I can say that it is an interesting one combining the supernatural with BDSM. Even though it has this creepy imagery, I did like it. The story isn’t too bad with Frank and Julia doing some pretty messed up things. Heck, Pinhead and his friends weren’t the only disturbed thing about the film. Frank already creeped me out before he got all fleshed up. The makeup and effects were well done here and pretty gruesome.
The characters were okay. While Frank and Julia were weird, Larry (Andrew Robinson) was kinda just there but fine. It was interesting to see him in a non-villainous role. Kirsty (Ashly Laurence) ends up becoming the final girl in the movie, and I liked her. I think she was why I stayed through this and the sequel, Hellbound, back then. As for any dislikes, I don’t have too many. It can get a little spotty with the effects, and the ending is so weird. The pacing could also be a bit off. Now, this isn’t exactly a knock against the movie, if you’re not a fan of gore (like I can be sometimes), you probably won’t like this movie. Overall, I did like it, but I probably won’t re revisiting it or the sequels. I can only take so much weirdness, man.
Old
Finally, this is a movie me and Liz watched a few months back. It’s another M. Night Shyamalan viewing, and those can vary. In Old, a family with some issues end up going to an island resort. They and other people end up getting stranded on a secluded part of the resort’s beach. After they find a body and a man who should look for better rap names, they notice that they are all starting to grow old at a fast pace. As each person succumbs to old age or other ailments, the family tries to find a way off the beach.
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| Yeah... uh... just see the film to get this context. |
This was one movie I wasn’t psyched for when I first heard
it. The trailer seemed a bit over the top, but that’s current M. Night for ya!
I thought it was alright for the most part. The thing that makes it worth
watching is the mystery behind the aging, and the twist there is actually
pretty decent. I was thinking something completely different! Anyway, the movie
is pretty well-shot. I also thought that the casting was fine. You do get to
care and sympathize with everyone… well, mostly everyone. I guess every group
need some white nutjob with a knife somewhere.
As for the dislikes, it could get a little too silly from item
to time. Whoever thought “Mid-Size Sedan” would be a good rap name? I don’t know if Shyamalan was having fun or
what, but that was kinda cringe. Some of the acting wasn’t too good from some
of the cast. Some of the ones I
recognized were good, but others… eh. I do wonder how much the dialogue played
a role because Shyamalan can be pretty spotty with there. The storytelling
could also be a bit shotty at times too. Overall, it’s another weird one from
Shyamalan that’s kinda below average.
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In the end, these were some decent horror movies that varied in quality. Somehow, the Man with Pins kinda comes out on top. I do at least say you should check them all out, but just know what you're getting yourself into. Don't be showing your 8-year old Hellraiser. Even my people knew to keep the horridness down when I was that young. Anyway, I'm off to get acquainted with a certain doctor named Henry Jekyll. Until then, Peace, God bless, and be careful out there.
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