Thursday, October 22, 2020

Favorites - Scariest Godzilla Movies

I think it’s time to break from superheroes for a bit. Besides, there are a lot of cool stuff out there, and one of them is the kaiju genre. The biggest of them (ha ha) is the G-Man himself: Godzilla. Now, I could do a list of my favorite Godzilla movies, but that seems too easy. Besides, the spooky season is upon us.

I started thinking about something recently: are there any scary Godzilla movies? I mean, Godzilla does kind of fit in the horror genre. Heck, his first film from 1954 was in a lot of ways a horror movie. Now, Godzilla didn’t stay that way after that first introduction. Heck, by the late 1960’s, he was a sometimes goofy friend to humanity. Also, it’s tough to make a guy in a rubber dinosaur suit scary. It wasn’t until the mid-80’s with the Heisei Era where Toho decided to make Godzilla a threat again. These days, he’s all over the place. He’s a god, a protector, an evolving and grotesque behemoth, a danger to all humanity, ghost, and an overall bad mofo.

So, here are what I could consider the scariest movies in the Godzilla franchise. These are ones where I kinda got a little creeped out. While most of these don’t creep me out as an adult, some movies are just weird enough to do it. It’s not in order from best to worst. In fact, I might as well handle this chronologically. So, let’s start with the legitimate horror that is Gojira.

1. Gojira (1954) - I gotta start off with the original. While most Godzilla movies show the collateral damage, they barely show the dour side of it all. Remember that this took place just a decade after the bombings in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. During Godzilla’s rampage on Tokyo, we got a mother telling her kids that’ll they’ll soon meet their dad in heaven… Dark. Follow that up with the hospital scene where we got some kid yelling for his probably dead mother. Since the movie was trying talk about the threat of the nuclear bomb, it was pretty effective. The movie in general has this dour feel that really doesn’t leave even when Godzilla is defeated by another, deadlier weapon. It’s no surprise that the series started to lean lighter after this.

2. Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster - I gotta skip ahead to my first Godzilla movie. This may not be the best of the Showa Era, but it’s probably up in the top five for me. We finally get to see Godzilla and the other monsters play hero. This time, it’s against the alien electric dragon known as Ghidrah or King Ghidorah as he’s pretty much called. I mean, a gold, three-headed demon-looking dragon that shoots electricity should be able to put the fear in a five-year old. While 3-G does get his butt handed to him a lot over the years, he’s still one of the more creepy kaijus from the franchise.

3. Godzilla’s Revenge – This is on the list mainly because…. It’s the worst Godzilla movie ever. Seriously, folks. If anyone says that the recent Godzilla movie and the Netflix trilogy are the worst, tell them about this piece of crap. The only good thing about it is that it’s not too long. Let’s imagine a movie that has a annoying kid that has a dream where he meets a talking Manilla (Godzilla’s son) and basically sits through stock footage from other movies. Sounds kinda scary, right? It’s so scary that I’ve barely watched this thing. At least Godzilla Vs. Megalon, another bad G-movie, has Gigan, Jet Jaguar, and those weird Alanteans (Seatopians) that apparently joined the KKK.

4. Godzilla vs. Hedorah – This was another middling Godzilla movie that tries to push an environmental message. While it’s not good, the monster of the film is quite chilling. Hedorah, or The Smog Monster, is a monster literally created from pollution. Just one look at this ugly guy makes me want to get some hand sanitizer. His powers were especially gross since his touch and liquid can kill folk. He even craps on Godzilla, and yes, that’s probably supposed to be actual crap. He’s definitely the nastiest villain from the Showa Era. At least Godzilla takes it out in cool fashion. Now if you excuse me, I need to shower.

5. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla – This was one of the better Godzilla movies. While Mecha-G wasn’t a scary villain, we do see some creepy/scary moments here. When Mecha-G first shows up, it’s basically pulling a Terminator move since it’s disguised as Godzilla. He then beats the tar out of poor Anguarius. He broke the dude’s jaw! Then, you got the aliens that created Mecha-G. They look human at first, but when they get injured or die, they revert to space gorillas. One of the more creepy ones is when one alien partly transforms. It’s kinda creepy even though you know it’s a prosthetic.

6. Godzilla vs. Biollante – After a 10 year break, Toho eventually rebooted the franchise in 1985 with Godzilla: 1985. Basically, it ignored everything except for the first movie. This was the second movie in the series and it’s one that was pretty different. The monster, Biollante, was created by a scientist who bonded Godzilla’s cells (G-Cells) with plants and the DNA of his dead daughter. It’s a weird one, but there’s nothing wrong with that since it’s cool to get some interesting kaiju. The monster also evolves throughout the movie taking one hideous form after another. It wasn’t considered a successful movie, but it has its fans.

7. Godzilla vs. Destroyah – This was the final movie in the Hesei era. Basically, Godzilla’s dying and may have a meltdown that’ll destroy the world. Meanwhile, a new monster called Destroyah (yeah, that’s right) ends up getting created by the same machine that killed the original Godzilla. Destroyah looks kinda like a mutated crab creature. We end up getting multiple smaller versions of the monster in a scene that’s reminiscent of James Cameron’s Aliens. When they evolve into something much bigger, Destroyah ends up looking like the freaking Devil. Godzilla even goes through a startling transformation. As his heart is melting down, he looks like he’s on fire with smoke coming from everywhere. It’s a cool, chilling look for our main monster.

8. Godzilla, Mortha, and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack – If you’re wondering, yes, that’s the title. I bet it sounds awesome in Japanese. Anyway, this was from the Millennium Era where Toho basically said “#### continuity, anything goes!” This movie is especially taking that mantra since the Godzilla we get is definitely the bad guy. Instead of a prehistoric, radioactive monster of a bygone era, this Godzilla (who I call “Ghost Godzilla”) is fueled by the spirits of everyone who died during World War 2. Godzilla even looks evil with his pale, expressionless eyes. We even got King Ghidorah, who’s a magical guardian here, as one of the good monsters! It’s all pandemonium here, folks! It’s also in my list of favorite Godzilla movies.

9. Netflix Godzilla Trilogy – While the Anime trilogy from Polygon Pictures wasn’t good, its version of Godzilla (“Godzilla Earth”) was pretty unsettling. It’s like Godzilla was made of a mix of organic and non-organic material like plants, metal, rock, and flesh. It’s also the biggest Godzilla we’ve gotten in any media. We also got the other monsters that have evolved from Godzilla Earth like a smaller Godzilla and other various creatures. That’s not even mentioning what they did to Ghidorah which is basically a interdimensional three-headed snake god. Yep, that trilogy was tripping on all the drugs! Too bad it also drug at a slow pace.

10. Shin Gojira – Then, we get to the first, true reboot that Toho has done. It even threw out the original 1954 movie. While the message is much different (showing how the Japanese government is unprepared for certain disasters), Godzilla isn’t. He’s still a rampaging machine, but he’s much scarier. We see him quickly evolve through a few forms before he gets to his final, more recognizable form. Each of them, even that first goofy one, were pretty creepy. That final form is legitimately nightmare-inducing with that stare. How he blows radioactive fire out is also pretty creepy. What’s even more interesting (and potentially creepier) is that there is another evolution we don’t see. We leave this version on a cliffhanger that you’ll have to find for yourself.

11. The Legendary Godzilla movies – Finally, I gotta mention the Legendary versions of these monsters. All the monsters look grand and threatening. Godzilla himself is more modernized but not too scary… unless you’re standing right in front of him. The MUTOs we got in the first movie weren’t awesome, but they were pretty creepy and inventive. Then, we get to the other monsters in King of the Monsters. Of course, Ghidorah stands tall as the big scary one of that movie. Not only is he bigger than Godzilla (at some point), each head seems like it has a mind of its own. Also, the mofo can regenerate! Unless it can regenerate from… air, I don’t think we’ll see him in Godzilla vs. Kong.

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I’ll just cut it off there. While the franchise has mostly catered to kids, you still found some creepy things to see. I do wonder if Toho will ever return to their reboot from 2016. I’ll say that it could be interesting and disturbing seeing those… things wreck stuff. Anyway, if you have any scary moments from the franchise, or even any cool moments from the movies, let me know. For now, I need to think about something other than this dang election. Peace, God Bless, and remember to not stand in a high-rise while Godzilla’s around.


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