Quick Thoughts #7 - "Dang, that Animated G.I.Joe Movie Was Weird!"

At the end of the year, I was thinking about trying to get back into some regular blogging. It's like I can't do crap for the first half of the year, and then I decide to churn out something before the year ends or something. Anyway, I thought a post a week would be good, but then I realized that I don't like talking all that much to begin with. Still, I think I can do a little more than 8 posts a year. 

While I was doing some New Year Cleaning, I thought I'd check out Tubi for some random watching and found the G.I. Joe animated movie there. Now, I'm a casual fan of the franchise. I've really only seen a few episodes of the original TV show. I've actually passed some time by watching old episodes on Tubi last year with the boys. I also own the one good live-action movie (Retaliation which also isn't that good), got G.I.Joe Renegades on DVD somewhere, and tried checking out those Energon G.I. Joe comics that Image Comics is putting out. With all that said, I had the movie playing while I did slew of other things around the house. As I watched this, one thing scratched at my head: 

HOW DID I WATCH THIS AS A SEVEN YEAR OLD?

This is probably one of the funniest moments in the movie. Cobra Commander's wiggin' out, and Road Block channels his inner Denzel ("Get you $$$$$$ hands off me!).

Yeah, the caps were needed for this. My folks allowed me to watch quite a few things I probably shouldn’t have watched, and this might’ve been one of them. I know I watched this once as a kid (with no knowledge of the show) and once back in college on YouTube, so this isn't high on my faves or anything. In fact, I think I watched this and Transformers: The Movie at around the same time when I was younger. The movie was meant to do what Transformers: The Movie did for the franchise, but things didn’t work as planned. They both even have a similar plot. It seems that Transformers as a movie and a brand have had a lot more staying power than the Joes. Still, the Joes and Cobra still have something since the property is still around today.

G.I. Joe: The Movie was released in 1987 after the original show ended its run. After a really bombastic opening, the Joes are doing their usual fight against the evils of Cobra, and Cobra bickers as usual. The Joes are safeguarding an energy device called the Broadcast Energy Transmitter (the BET), and Cobra once again fails in nabbing it. Things change when Cobra joins forces with Cobra-La, a hidden technologically advanced society with dreams of world domination. It turns out they are the ones who have created Cobra since Cobra Commander was a part of Cobra-La. The Joes are put through the wringer and pull in some new recruits as they face both evil organizations.

While the US is weird these days, this opening still feels right.

This movie was weird and mixed with me. There’s actually quite a bit I like about it, but it still kinda falls in the “it’s okay” pile. The story is your simple G.I.Joe plot but put into a 90-minute movie. If you’re a fan of seeing people breaking into and out of buildings, you might like this because the whole movie is that! Instead of following our regular Joes like Duke, Scarlet, Lady Jaye and Snake Eyes, we follow some new recruits like Falcon (voiced by Don Johnson!), and Jinx. They’re… okay for the most part, but I got to throw some looks at whoever wrote the character of “Big Lob”. We also get more of Sargent Slaughter (voiced by… Sargent Slaughter) as he leads a crew of “bad boys” against Cobra. Like Transformers, the movie was meant to do away with some characters like Duke… uh, falls or something.

"Before I slip into this cartoon coma, I gotta say something, bro... you Suck!"

While the Joes were alright this time around, Cobra and Cobra-La stole the show for me. The back and forth bickering between Cobra Commander, Serpentor, and the rest of Cobra was hilarious. As for Cobra-La, they were weird but kind of cool. Their organic society had bits of H.P. Lovecraft and Frank Herbert meshed within it. Seriously, Globulous (voiced by Burgess Meredith!?!), kinda evoked Leto Atreides II from Emperor of Dune. Of course, you have to mention his henchmen. There’s the sultry but deadly Pythona and the powerful behemoth known as NEMESIS ENFORCER… yeah, a boss name like that needs to be capitalized. I was also surprised by what they did to Cobra Commander here. It did result in one of the funniest moments of the movie though.

The animation was done by Toei Animation and it shows. We don’t get the sometimes okay animation (which was also done by Toei) the series was known for. You can tell that they had a budget to really capture some good action which the series as a whole is known for. They also knew to add the weirdness of Cobra-La society. Seeing Cobra Commander slowly mutate into a human snake was still pretty grotesque. 

My dislikes aren’t many, but they do hurt the movie. The overall story isn’t that great. To be fair, this is a kids’ movie that’s really action heavy. You're not gonna get a deep story here which is how things were done in the 80's.  Still, you think that things could’ve been written better. The pacing could also be off at times. 

Even Duke couldn't take Falcon's bullcrap.

I also wasn’t a fan of Falcon. He's pushed in the same way Hot Rod was in the Transformers movie, but at least Hot Rod was likable. Even though Falcon was voiced by Mr. Miami Vice himself, dude was just too incompetent in the early half of the movie. I was like “how did he become a Joe?” He was Duke’s half-brother, so maybe some nepotism bled in. It also sucks that most of the regular Joes don’t get used here, but Hasbro gotta have some way to introduce a new toyline. Why do you think they tried to kill Duke the same way they did Optimus? I say almost because they had to redub that scene to "he's gone into coma" after the backlash they got for killing Optimus.

…………………………….

In the end, G.I. Joe: The Movie is alright. It honestly may still be the best G.I. Joe movie out there… nah, it’s as good as Retaliation. We need some better G.I. Joe movies though. Apparently, there were plans on doing a live action Transformers/G.I. Joe movie, but I haven’t heard anything about that for a while. At least the different series and comics haven't let me down too much. Well, that's all I got for now. Until then, Peace, God Bless, and be careful out there.

Also... "COBRA-LALALALALALALALALA!"

Look, some of us brothers gotta represent Cobra too!